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I used to hoard food. I would carry food with me everywhere I went. If I saw free food, I would grab it and stuff my pockets full of whatever edible item was being offered. Mints from the candy bowl at restaurants, buns from the buffet table, chocolate truffles from the sample lady, muffins from the office party, nuts from my parents pantry – you name it, if food was available, I would stash it.

The only place I didn’t feel the need to hoard food was when I was at home, perhaps because I felt safe knowing it was readily available. If I was leaving home however, I would fill my purse with ziploc bags full of snacks & bottles full of water or containers of juice. Often my purse would weigh so much that my lower back would start to ache.

Food hoarding itself never became a big problem for me, its the feelings of shame that came with hoarding the food that became an issue for me.  I felt the need to hide my bad habit from everyone around me. And although I did my best to to make sure no one knew what I was up to, I can assure you, it didn’t go unnoticed. My mother in particular would often ask me where the 1kg bag of chocolate chips had disappeared to or why there were no cookies left. Other times, I would make six or seven sandwiches and put them in my bag. Unfortunately I would often forget they were there and then a telltale smell would follow me around for a few hours. Other times we would arrive home after a road trip and my husband would stumble upon my ‘stash’ while unpacking our suitcases. I would try to act surprised that ‘the kids must have put it there’.

Now what’s interesting is that I didn’t used to eat the food that I had hoarded.  I just needed to have the food with me.  Just in case.  In case what, you ask.  I’m still not sure.

Experts say that often food hoarding in children is directly related to a child’s need for food being inadequately met or denied. As a result, the child is forced to become prematurely self-reliant in meeting their own basic needs. The child would then adopt a survival mentality and respond to the availability of food in a way which could include secretly over-eating and hoarding food.

Another reason experts cite for food hoarding is that children want to know that they can eat when they feel they want to or need to.  Generally these children are exercising their need for autonomy and are rarely hungry.

Now I can tell you that the former was certainly not the case with me. My meals were lovingly  prepared for me on a daily basis when I was a child and as an adult, I certainly never had to wonder where my next meal was coming from.  Perhaps my hoarding was borne out of a need for autonomy then? I think this scenario is highly unlikely as well since my parents were quite liberal and gave me lots of freedom and as an adult, I always prided myself on my independence. What then, was triggering my hoarding? Since I was still in denial about having a problem, I never took the time to look for an answer.

Then, one evening about two years after my food hoarding started, I spilled the beans and confessed my little secret to my husband (its possible I had a little wine that night). He listened as I cried in shame. He told me he still loved me and that he thought my habit was ‘adorable’.  Then he told me he would help me hoard food if it made me feel better.  And he did. He would act as my partner in crime when we passed the sample ladies, often doubling back for seconds. He would distract my parents while I poured nuts and candy into Ziploc bags. He would pack up food for me before we left the house.

Eventually my need to hoard food started to fade, probably thanks to my husband’s support and non-judgement.  I no longer felt the need to have food with me at all times.  Especially not in mass quantities. But it didn’t disappear completely. To this day if I visit friends or family I tend to revert to my old habit of hoarding food. I can’t help but grab an occasional ziploc bag and stuff it full of chocolate chips, nuts, granola or whatever else happens to be available.

After reading this you may ask why I cited the reasons that children hoard food when I am an adult who is hoarding food? The answer is that there is not a lot of information out there on adult food hoarding. Perhaps I’m an isolated case? Maybe I’m the only food hoarder out there.  If I’m not alone, I would love to hear from you.  And if you’re not a hoarder but you have any information on why adults hoard food, please share it with me because to this day, that question still eludes me. Thanks for allowing me to share my story with you.